Holy wind gust!

I was just trying to help out.

Sitting at church this morning, I noticed Father needed a few more people to help with communion during mass. As I made my way out of our front row pew and to the altar, I decided to remove my sunglasses from on top of my head and toss them onto the pew where I'd been sitting.

You know, to make my presence a little classy and all...

As I stepped towards my pew to chuck the sunglasses, I stepped onto a floor vent blowing nice cold air. Right up my dress.

I felt the skirt of the dress fly up and quickly grabbed it, stepping away from the air and patting my dress back into place. I went about distributing communion and sat back down next to my husband when I was done.

"Are you wearing underwear?" he whispered.

"What?" I asked.

"Lesley didn't think you were wearing underwear."

I looked over at my friend one section over who was shrugging her shoulders in question.

"Yes!" I mouthed to her, nodding.

Dave put his arm around me. "Apparently she caught quite a view," he explained.

Mass ended right after, and Lesley filled me in. It seems the vent blew my dress further up than I'd thought. Way up. Like, over the waistline of my flesh-colored panties up.

My first thoughts included a litany of things worse than an entire congregation seeing my laundry day undies, including the entire congregation seeing my laundry day undies in a wedgie formation, encasing monthly feminine supplies, or foregone in place of actual granny panties. Or a thong.

Still, I felt a need for confession.

Father was busy chatting, so I asked Sister Doris to cleanse my soul. She assured me the sin was not mine, however. The sin lies in the heart of those who enjoyed it.

Knowing what the view must have been, I imagine we all got out of there sin-free and clean.

Amen.

Natural habitat

We enjoyed a fabulous weekend of fun in the sun and water at Lake Weatherby with our good friends, exploring the lake and listening to our kids compare notes on who peed in the lake the most. Not revealing names, but the winning number was 5 times in one cove outing.

In that lake there live a number of turtles, absolutely darling little things who defy gravity in my mind by swimming with little flexibility.

One of these little guys (or girls?) crawled out within arm's reach of one of the kids. Far more entertaining than catching a cup full of minnows, the kids decided to keep it.

"We need to build a habitat for it," I heard my son exclaim.

At this point it looked like our home was destined to be host to the hard-backed creature. I could not let this happen, we have 4 kids, a dog and countless plants and bird feeders that need daily attention. Not to mention instruments to practice, bikes to ride, and books to read. Caring for a turtle was not fitting into my day, or theirs.

"Turtle already has a habitat," I said. "Put him back in it."

"You're not any fun," my children husband responded.

"I know. I'm not." It was a hard, cold fact. I am not fun. I am the ruler of rules, from brushing teeth to eating vegetables. I am the homework horse and the cleaning czar. I am not any fun, and I did not care to subject yet another living being to my torture of no fun.

Eventually they caved after a lecture about the morality of turtle-napping. Little guy has no idea how lucky he is.

I'm so mean.

God Bless the U.S.A.

Facebook deemed this video too offensive to allow people to share. Luckily for you, I have deemed it too hilarious to keep to myself...

... but as Great Aunt Margie says, all God's critters got a place in the choir.

Bring it.

For summer eats, check out these morsels of deliciousness...

Cafe Habana in NYC, near SoHo, produces crack-on-a-corncob in the form of Grilled Corn. I have tried to replicate this delicacy at home, finally resorting to the interwebs where I found this beckoning:

Make your own with help from ShockinglyDelicious.com (where I snagged this photo too!)

Limes are not optional, and neither are Mojitos. Last weekend two other couples joined us on the deck for a summer mojito kick-off. Two pitchers? Not even a challenge. Refreshingly perfect on a muggy Saturday night as thunderstorms rolled in. Die-hards will use the mortar and pestal to mash up the sugar, lime and mint. Personally, I'm fine with using a blender...

Blend together the juice from 2 limes, 2 teaspoons sugar, 8 sprigs of mint while slowly adding 1 cup of white rum. Pour into pitcher over 4 cups of crushed ice, mix with 4 cups of club soda. Stir, garnish with additional lime wedges.

Speaking of Saturday's thunderstorms, our neighbors in Missouri were hit hard by a tornado, nearly wiping out the entire city of Joplin, MO. While we Kansans have no mercy for Missouri on the basketball court, off the court is a different story. Please take a moment to send your thoughts, maybe some bottled water or other supplies to these people as they spend their summer rebuilding their hometown.

And finally, with the promise of pool time right around the corner I bring you my favorite summer past time, floating in a pool and pretending I have nothing better to do. The best pool floats don't take forever to inflate and allow you to get wet. Enter:

Yes, it looks like an areola or a contraceptive device, but I assure you it is completely appropriate to whip out at the pool. Everyone will want a piece of the action. $14.99 at Target!

Back to wishing the rain away...

SWM, age 9

I'm worried my dear Luke might never get laid.

Mayday! My daughter is heading for middle school!

And guess who, at the 11th hour, was put in charge of creating the post-promotion ceremony DVD for parents and kids to view during the post-promotion ceremony brunch with a 3-day notice???

I'll give you some hints...

1. She had never created a movie on her computer before.
2. She had never burned a DVD before, legally or otherwise.
3. She was given nearly 500 photos from 26 sets of parents.

... still guessing? How about this....

4. She did no laundry the entire week
5. She still managed to accompany her daughter's class to Worlds of Fun 3 days before DVD-day
6. She still has no clue how to save the show on a jump drive.

... if you guessed me, you are correct.

I ended up putting in 20+ hours, and I know a couple of others before me did hard time too gathering all the photos. But the final product (9 minutes, 42 seconds) (can't imagine how long something like "Titanic" must have taken) succeeded in sharing happy memories of precious childhoods and, more importantly, making parents cry.

Sit back and enjoy:

http://gallery.me.com/juliedunlap#100000

No bellbottoms, no saurkraut

For some reason the by-line is not appearing at the top of this article like it should, which is a shame. It is one of my favorites...

http://www2.ljworld.com/news/2011/may/02/river-city-jules-moms-love-knows-no-boundaries/

Happy day after Mother's Day!